18 June 2020

Safe Home

Chinnar_main

Since Result CIC’s inception, the focus of our social enterprise has revolved around inclusionand equality. This is why we have wanted to work with marginalised people in general to helpthem develop, be confident and become role models.

During one encounter, Hormoz met Chinnar Najib who is a Kurdish/Iraqi refugee andrecently asked her to write about her thoughts and experiences through her journey. This week is Refugee Week culminating with World Refugee Day on 20 June. In the UK, Chinnar has done a lot of voluntary work in the community as an interpreter and advisor, including with the Citizen’s Advice Bureau. She would love the opportunity of paid work!



Safe Home What a nightmare. Thank God I’m awake and this was all a dream…Twenty years since I’ve left home now and I’m seeing the same vision again and again...

“Heading back home the same way I came; crossing borders on feet, exhausted and hungry, but this time, I’m the one who’s leading, I’m the smuggler and leading the crowd and back to my small town, where I first left from…We’re all running in horror; mothers and fathers carrying their younger children on their backs, shouting for their lost ones, children are cold and hungry, crying and begging to stop… Everyone’s running, no one dares to look back, just keeps running …”

This morning, I woke up with the same nightmare, and breathlessly forced myself to raise my head. I called my husband: “Wake up. Let’s go back home”. Please let’s go back home.” He was half awake and replied in a soft voice: “Calm down, love! He got up and continued, but look, this is our home now. We can’t go back you know; we have a life here, we’ve built it together, we’ll make sure it’ll be safe and secure for our kids. We can make it better together, with patience and love.” “Yes, of course, we do, and we can.” I answered back and sank into my nightmare again remembering what I’d seen…

Oh no, I don’t want to live as a refugee! Why would I and who would want to? Imagine yourself falling down from a high mountain or a tower! If you’re lucky, you might survive by a miracle, but just when you hit the bare- land, you would surely be disabled and scarred for the rest of your life… Not to forget the worst part, the feelings after the fall, which would leave you drained, lost and shaky, as if you’re living the fall again and again every single day for the rest of your life.

Where am I? Who am I? Where am I from? Who captured me? I am no one. From nowhere. Don’t know. Don’t ask me... Well then, “Run… don’t look back, don’t look around, just run, run for your life… That’s the only good thing you could do.”

“I swear by my honour; it’ll be only a couple of hours walking on feet just behind the checkpoints. Don’t worry, I have arranged for a car to pick you up from there. You see, I’ve thought about everything, you need not worry, just trust me and follow me… Trust me.” That’s what Mr. Honoured Smuggler said to us. So, we had no choice and no time to think, but to believe him and follow him… followed him to where? We went thousands of miles on feet, not six hours! Starting from the first border; we’d crossed minefields, we climbed high mountains covered in snow, and walked for hours shivering till we reached the border lines and passed behind the checkpoints. We were walking for twelve hours every night and hiding in the bushes during the day. Days and nights were just the same; we only had to survive and keep walking forwards with very little food and water, just enough to survive, a piece of butter and bread. We couldn’t carry much, we had to walk and most of the time just run because the smuggler was saying, “ If we don’t go fast, we will either get frozen or seen by the locals who’ll report us to the police, and of course, we’ll eventually be deported back Home…”

Back Home where we gave all we’ve had to him, our only saviour! Heartless Warmakers! Firewood logs we’ve been turned to enlighten their wars! Silly Borders! Damn the person who first created borders on earth! But I’m not on Earth! Am I? Like birds, I’m wondering about in the sky...

Stop your nonsense, touch the ground and feel it! It’s Earth. Don’t you see, you can’t fly! Shout out loud and see if anyone could hear you! No! Ok, just close your eyes and take a big deep breath, my dear broken soul… Now open your eyes and look around you, don’t you see! You’re alive and you are safe...

Chinnar Najib
15/06/2020

Artwork by Amang Mardokhy, Chinnar's husband.

 
 
 
NDA 2015 Power 100 iLM
 
 

We are Result CIC, a community interest company. We work with people who feel marginalised or excluded to become more confident about their abilities and to fulfill their potential. We also work with Directors, Managers and CEOs who need support to bring about positive change in terms of diversity and inclusion in their organisations. We each have personal experience of the issues affecting the people we work to support, including disability, immigration, mental health and sexuality. We have also worked in senior positions in industry and government.

Our vision is a society where every individual can achieve their potential, feel fulfilled and make a valuable contribution. 

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